Ladies
I fucken love working at the flower shop not just because its fun and im great at what i do but i love my co workers. Working here with nothing but girls and ladies that have kids already and are a lot and a little bit older than me…but they have been asking me a lot of question since yesterday about my Rylee, which they are very exited and happy for me but i dont have to say a lot and they know what im talking about and they talk to me and give me advice and i listen and take all the advice. But today was different i started asking them question about my situation and what ive been thinking and wondering and they have been a great support and giving me a lot to think about. Needless to say im gonna be leaving this flower shop in a completely different way but in a good way.
almost out then time to go home and rest and watch some NBA finals.
AHHHHH! FLOWERS!!!!
so much to say but i cant find anyone that will listen. Always helping my friends feel better when they are feeling blue, always giving advice and just being there when people need it. For once i would love for someone to ask how im doing, or if im doing ok and just listen to what i got to say. But i guess ill keep biting my tongue.
on a lighter note, im working at the flower shop and i couldnt feel more at home. I love coming back here even if its for a week or so. Mothers day is near and this holiday is completely different to me this year but in a good way. She shall get sunflowers. Cant wait to go home and watch the Clippers game and relax.
LETS GO CLIPPERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
cheap trick
Things are starting to look good, been looking for a stable job and todays interview went great. Been waking up in a great mood and staying dedicated and I’ve had the best motivation. Let’s hope things keep getting better.
Let’s go clippers tomorrow! The battle for LA.
my favorite sweater
I miss my favorite sweater.
There so damn much on my mind and its driving me crazy and just holding it in is not fun. Feeling so damn stressed out and feeling so much pressure from so many people. Everyone expecting me to fail is taking a toll on me, some nice encouragement is much needed. All I wanna do is sleep its the only time feel no stress and a sense of calmness is felt. Drinking is not fun anymore all I do is get depressed, I don’t show it but it kills me from the inside. It’s never fun to drink just to feel numb so with that said I’m gonna be putting the bottle down for a while and deal with these demons the right way. Even though I’m super stressed out and feeling horrible in every way, I’m exited for her arrival. I will get my favorite sweater back, that’s a promise.
pregnant
Damn everybody is having babies. A lot of my friends are either pregnant or got someone pregnant and it shocks me to see how they get treated by the baby dady or how my friends treat their baby momma. They do such fUckEd up shit to them And say even worst shit to them but yet they always go back to the baby daddy. Maybe I should’ve been a dead beat bf and things would’ve worked out, maybe I should’ve told her that I don’t want anything to do with our child and things would’ve worked out. Too bad I can never be like that, I’m actually exited for our child, I actually wanna be part of both their lives yet things didn’t work out. I need to drinks this away or skate, Hell even painting would help anything to distract me from this Sharp pain in my chest.
I love you Rylee Anne Castorela
my new tat!!!… ::VOID::
honest thoughts
I hate that I can’t pick up the phone and call you. I love hearing you talk and go on about rylee, you sound so happy when you talk about her and it always melts my heart and lifts my spirits. I’m sober and I hate I can’t call you and its only day one, I can’t imagine how ill feel when I’m drunk. I’m not looking forward to this.
Look to be honest we both are right and why we are upset with one another but we are also both wrong. Neither of us is more right than the other. Just remember that our relationship is in a whole different level and the stress is getting to both of us but we need to break that communication barrier and learn to work things out. I fucken love you both, my beautiful girls. So let’s just talk and pick up were we left off and I know its not gonna be easy but we both knew it wouldn’t.
no one else
i wouldve chose to see Cursive with, thank you for going with me.
numb, fuck both of you.
Rylee
Cursive. im gonna cheers to you my lil love when they play the bitter end.
